People who believe marriage will bring them commitment for the other or vice versa and bring them security in life must really check some facts.
How many couples do you know who stay together because of the fear of what will people say, or for the sake of their kids, or for the sake of their old parents, or for their legal financial security, or their social image while feeling uncomfortable in a relationship and probably having relationships out of their marriage? I bet you would know a good count or may think if I am talking about you?
Those who believe that marriage is what will bring them happiness, love, commitment, togetherness etc may also understand that marriage doesn’t guarantee anything ever. Look around for evidences than to believe or judge me for what I say. Marriage is an event of life that has opportunities, however, no guarantees attached. It is an expedition that you must be excited to explore & experience with someone. It is an institution where you agree to share your life with someone with your heart and soul. And that means the commitment is a prerequisite before you start than to expect marriage to bring you commitment.
I personally believe, that commitment is an emotion that you have for another person, where in, by choice you stay faithful towards the other. And the parent of this emotion is love. You love someone so much that beyond a point, the expression of your love transforms into a commitment that is unconditional. If, for you to be committed to someone requires a rule book that constraints you to be with someone, it is not truly a commitment because I bet it will only restrict you to your physical presence with the other. It is being driven from external factors. Your heart, your mind, your spirit cannot be constrained by rules. And hence, that is not what commitment really means.
I believe if I love someone to an extent of feeling emotionally, mentally, physically and even spiritually committed to someone, I would not need a book of law with rules of do’s and don’t’s. I would not need a stamp of marriage to start feeling it for someone, nor would that stamp mean anything to me except that gives me a social status and certain sense of security for my growing years unless I only marry for the later reasons. Marriage alone doesn’t look after my heart’s needs.
For me, in case of feeling committed to someone, marriage will only mean an extension and expansion of two people in a relationship with each other, having all the necessary instruments/tools to experience an expedition together, that may not promise all the good sites, but also some adventure or difficult leaps that they decide to overcome together.
Excuse me if I am sounding against the concept of marriage, but I am completely pro-marriage. It holds a great value to me. However, my intent is to help people have clarity of the concept of commitment and not confuse it with marriage. True commitment is a bi-product of love and not marriage.
Now you may question that how can someone be truly committed before marrying someone if their marriage is arranged by family. And the answer to that is you may get into a relationship and even fulfil your responsibilities too, but a true commitment that will be beyond rules will only come when you feel the love for your partner. And so, understanding commitment as marriage or your responsibilities is a myth.
Those who say they are committed to their spouse because they are married, may actually be those who are insecure of their social image, who care more for how people perceive them, who need the set of rules to restrict them to their marriage / partner or personal motives like financial/social security through law. Such people do not completely trust themselves to stay in a relationship without an external push of law and rules and would behave completely different if there were no such external restrictions.
Because those who are committed to their partners for the love they feel for them, need no laws, no rules and no society to tell them what they must do. They are just there, not even for the sake of their partner but for how they believe they must be. That’s the magic of love and that truly is a commitment.
So, re-define your definition of commitment. Stop waiting for marriage to find commitment within you or from your partner. Aspire love by giving what you need in a relationship and let marriage be an event that magnifies and multiplies the emotional experience of life that you seed it with.