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My First Blog Post

LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL

I strongly believe that your life starts with you and you have the power to create an experience of life. All you need is to make a conscious and the right choice for yourself.

— Reetu Verma

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

TRUST YOUR JOURNEY

Despite of being intellectually aware, we tend to give into the situations that as per us are not conducive towards what we want in life or where we want to go. We start looking at it as failures and start allowing our energies into the limiting thoughts and beliefs that further limits our effort. That’s when we unconsciously get into a victim state of mind which is somehow a comfort zone for the human mind whether we realize it or not. It takes a very strong push, big inspiration, huge effort or a strong compulsive need to bring ourselves out of that state. This is where our dependency on external factors increases to be able to step up, which one may/may not always find timely or enough.

Life doesn’t guarantee you all that you desire – it has its own plans for you and it knows what’s best for you too. This doesn’t mean you don’t desire or become complacent with any initial outcome you get.  There’s never a final outcome. It’s a journey.

  • Universe (or whatever you may call it) may test you towards your commitment and hence be throwing challenges at you. So never give up until you know you have done what best you could have.
  • It may want you to learn some crucial lessons that are more essential for you in your life journey and hence be throwing challenges at you. There’s always some lessons in store –be it in success or be it in fall. Always pause and introspect what lesson is in it for you.
  • It may simply be leading you to what is truly meant for you and is in your best interest. Trust your journey and do not see any twist & turn as a failure…you may just being led!

Ultimately, you will always find what’s meant for you when you decide never to give up, putting efforts towards your pure intentions, learning at every step and keeping your state of mind in the zone of being unstoppable with a belief that your are being guided to what is best for you.

I Decide!

While the hangover of the New Year celebrations is over, let’s get back to taking charge.

Let’s take ownership of self and our life because the most important element of my life is ‘I

2022 is about me!

To bring about the positive change in my life, I realize it’s all up to me.

I realize that the power is within me & magic happens from within me.

I decide if I want this day & this year to be a significant one.

I decide my actions in each and every moment.

I decide my intensions before I decide my actions.

I choose my beliefs and I chose my values by which I live my life.

I choose how I respond to each & every situation & circumstance.

I decide the level of influence of people & circumstances over me.

I decide what matters to me.

I decide who I am going to be.

I decide to stand strong by my own side.

Because I believe I am worth, I am capable, I am strong, I am beautiful, I am kind, I am intelligent & I am enough!

Are you a victim of SHOULD?

We have been brought up with a conditioning that there is always a right answer, a right way that you must find and act accordingly. And that one answer is what keeps us wander recklessly leading us to lose an opportunity to really live our lives. And the outcome is that we still never find it. Whatever we do, is never enough, doesn’t make everyone happy. And neither makes us ever satisfied because we always operate from the approach of what has a validation, what gets approved by others, what looks right to all.

Let’s look at how we talk to ourselves and even others.

What should I do to…., You should……, One should …they should…., he should, she should …..

Does this sound familiar? Anything common that you noticed in what we speak and think, be it for ourselves or for others?

The word ‘SHOULD’. SHOULD is a word that limits your thinking and takes away the options. Because there is something that is right and that right SHOULD only be done. But who decides what SHOULD be done? How is it that one thing that we drive our thinking through or preach others to act through is right for all in every given situation and in every context? How is it possible?

What may be right for me may not be right for you, what may look good to me, may not look good to someone else, what’s doable for me may not be doable for anyone else. Then where does this SHOULD come from?

How many of us can say that we have been happy following the SHOULD’s – the rule book – one size fits all concept? I bet, no one is.

If you ask me, the word ‘SHOULD’ should be removed from the dictionary of life. That’s the only should I am happy with!

But then what do we replace it with that brings us the answers, the happiness, the satisfaction? The space can’t be left vacant, right?

Let’s try this –

Ask yourself – What should I do with my life?

And now, change the same question to – What do I want to do with my life?

Now, see what these 2 question do to you and your mind? How does these 2 situations change your experience of thinking?

The moment you ask yourself or anyone else what do you want to, it opens the options, it gives you freedom to identify what works for you, what gives you happiness and make a choice. While being told what you should do closes the doors of thinking, making a choice, and do what brings you happiness.

So, experience your life replacing SHOULD with WANT TO in your life and you will see how you get the answers, how it brings clarity in thoughts and gets you sorted in how you live your life.

Now, question arises, how would you know what you want is right or wrong? No one can tell you that except you yourself. I apply the simple formula – what makes me feel good about is right for me because anything else will not make me happy. The heart already knows what’s right for you. There is no right or wrong  answers.

Life is not complicated – Its simple. It is what we make it with our thoughts. So keep it simple. Take ownership of your life, your own happiness and ask yourself – What do I want?

Wishing you more courage & happiness!

Woman’s day is not about a gender. It is about YOU – beyond the biological gender.

Every human is a combination of the two dimensions, 2 energies – male and female and an equal combination is what brings out the real potential and power of human life. Considering male & female only as 2 genders is a sign of spiritual immaturity. Irrespective of the gender, one’s true form is that of Ardhnareshwar – a combination of Shiv (Male) & Shakti (Female) within the same body.

Our social conditioning that leads to certain beliefs and practice certain behaviours about the genders limits us to awaken our true power and this is true for both men and women. None is complete without the other dimension within self. Like a balance of left & right brain, logic and emotions, a balance of male and female energies within & respecting it for all is what resolves lots of issues in our lives and society. And that brings us real success and happiness in our personal development, relationships & careers.

In my view, International Women’s day is not about the gender, but it is about the SHAKTI (the power) within every human being. It’s a day to remind ourselves that a dimension or the female energy within ourselves need to be better awakened to have a good life. It’s a day to remind ourselves that there’s much more beyond the gender and that we need to change the way we have been taught to think and behave.

So, for our own success, let’s commit to awaken both energies within ourselves and start thinking beyond genders. Let’s oblige ourselves with a promise to become complete and the first step towards is to celebrate the woman within you & around you. Because when you respect and well-treat the women around you, the female energy inside you gets empowered. And when you do the other way around, the female energy within you weakens. And no true success is possible through an incomplete you.

Celebrate the Women in you around you!

Do you still intend to run too fast?

Haven’t we run enough to make our FUTURE brighter?

More money, a bigger house, expansive vacations, superior jobs & a never ending  race leaving behind what matters most to be attended to some day.

While 2020 showed us the mirror and brought us back on the ground to help us learn minimalism – that we don’t really need so much, it taught us to start seeing what truly adds meaning to life and what really means happiness, things that we had been putting off to experience at a later date some day.

Who knows the future – what would it hold for us? Would it be even there for us? Harsh truth – isn’t it? But we still run like crazy.

What is important and sure is our PRESENT moment.

There is nothing wrong in achieving better things for life but paying the cost of our present isn’t worth for what’s not even confirmed.

Let’s live in the moment; experience what we have already achieved and share it with our loved ones. Let’s invest in creating memories for ourselves and others.

Aren’t the memories of good times with those we value helped us survive the tough time? Didn’t they give us hope to get through this time? Didn’t the support and empathy of someone touch our heart?

2020 gave us great learning and 2021 is about applying it and practicing to make our lives more meaningful.

  • Let’s define what happiness means for us.
  • Let’s stop running a never ending marathon competing with others to prove ourselves better. A brisk walk taking along our loved ones would suffice.
  • And let us be a little more human and help others on the way.
  • And never forget to have gratitude for every little thing we have – Gratitude creates a sense of abundance and changes our focus from what we don’t have to what we have in life.

Wishing you a blissfully abundant year ahead!

Start-up strategy bites

Establishing a start-up? Let’s validate few crucial strategies & beliefs first!

How clear is the Vision & Mission statement for your organisation? Starting a journey without having clear understanding of where you want to go and why you want to go, will take you no-where. A clear definition of the purpose and the destination will allow you to wisely define how you reach there & by when. Design the mind map so it manifests in the right way. Stating the SPECIFIC mission and vision helps you find directions on the go. So while this is what you are going to drive throughout the life of the organisation, does it not make sense to begin with this and define it clearly?

What are the values that the organisation practices?

Values form the DNA of the organisation that must reflect in everything that is related to the organisation – services, people, behaviours & communication. It not only gives confidence to the customers but also the potential talent that may get hired to do the job. It helps them know what to expect. Hence it is imperative to define through a thought –

  • What is that your customers & potential talent would expect from you? The values must be same for both.
  • What values gives you an edge over the other competitive companies?
  • What values you can truly practice and exhibit?

Define your vision, mission and values in simple words and what you truly believe. Fancy vocabulary doesn’t touch hearts.

Differentiate between cost and investments wisely.

Start-ups tend to be conservative on money matters and it is advisable too. But being over conservative about not having clarity of what is cost and what is investment may lead to mistakes that may look negligible today but may cost heavy in a longer run. The biggest mistake that one may do is by considering cost as money.

Understand, Investment is about money. Cost is much more than the money. Cost is what one may be missing out on – not only in terms of money, but also resources, time, efforts, clients, reputation, business and success.

Money spent on what gives a return in specific time that is aligned to the vision of the organisation is an investment. Anything that doesn’t give returns aligned to the vision is a cost. This spend is unnecessary & unjustified at a given point in time.

An investment not done at the right time with a notion of it to be a cost may save you money right now but it is actually a heavy cost (cost of not making the right investment) that the organisation may realise going forward.

For any start-up, set the mindset that one would have to initially spend good money for the sake of investments and hence the clarity of what truly is an investment and what is cost with a reference of time is a game changer.

KEEP THE VISION IN MIND FOR EVERY DECISION YOU TAKE.

For example –

  • Building an impressive website with a clear understanding of whom is it meant for (customers or potential talent) & creating a social media presence is an investment. Don’t compromise on the quality.
  • Hiring a huge bench of talent for a potential business may be a cost. Best is to build a warm pool ready to be hired. Or hiring support teams in the beginning is a big cost. Best is to outsource until the company stabilises to absorb the hiring cost.
  • Not having the basic company policies & guidelines formalised is a cost. And hence having that in place is an investment.
  • Lavish and classy workplace and facilities to impress talent or customers is a cost when you are starting. That may only attract for a while but will not ensure stability if the basics are not met.
  • Automation of processes and systems is again a cost for the early years.
  • One of the most significant elements that I would like to talk a little bit in detail is about HR because the cost of not understanding this aspect well is a big cost in itself.

HR is seen as cost and its alright as long as it means a team to execute day to day operations. But what usually start-ups tend to miss to understand is the importance of Strategic HR and mistake it by labelling that as a cost.

I very strongly believe, based on my personal experiences, observations and through the learning of others in the industry that the Strategic Business & Strategic HR thinkers are the pillars for any organisation to succeed. And this stands more true for the start-ups – from the inception of any startup, these roles must go hand in hand to give a strong foundation to the vision of the organisation. Both these roles are investments. It is like how essential it is to have both the parents from the day one for a new born – from the conception, to the birth and ultimately to bringing up the child in a way with common values and shared specializations, contributions & efforts.

Considering strategic HR as a cost and introducing it to the organisation at a later stage has its own perennial issues and that proves to be a heavier cost to the organisation in a longer run. Strategic HR must partner Business in even defining the vision, mission and values as they are the ones with onus of execution of the same from people’s perspective. I have personally seen companies struggling at a later stage where the time, money and effort just go in bringing compatibility between business and HR, managing conflicts, and introducing changes or building a culture. These issues not only affect productivity, quality, and relationships but also lead to higher attritions, poor market reputation & loss of management credibility.

So for a start-up with an existing international presence along with the strategic HR mind present there, it is okay to outsource the HR function for the first year or until the employee strength reaches 50. That’s when you may need an internal HR manager to manage employee grievances and be the bridge between management and employees. And a senior HR may later be hired when its time.

But in case of a start up with no presence of HR strategic mind to partner the business, it is strongly recommended to invest in strategic HR role and have the day to day HR operations outsourced under the supervision of Strategic HR.

The role of HR must not be seen as just to be the custodians of people policies and processes, but it is much vast and crucial. No wonder HR has evolved to become the HR Business partner supporting & consulting the business from people’s perspective that business may tend to miss out on when their focus is intensely on business.

Therefore, for a long term success & stability of the organisation, giving equal importance to business and people is essential.  And an important question to objectively ask yourself before avoiding a spend is – what is the cost of not having it now?

Hiring the right attitude –While hiring talent for their skills is important for any organisation, it holds much more value for start-ups where one is very judiciously spending money, to also hire the people with the right attitude. Skills can be learnt but it is difficult to change the attitude. I personally have never compromised attitude over skills and that has always paid me back in lot of ways – be it low attrition, higher productivity, great impact on customers, lesser conflicts and so on. Hire people who are flexible, willing to stretch themselves, are jack of multiple traits to chip in for stuff that my not require an additional hiring.

The above things are highly significant elements that ensure success and hence must not be ignored or compromised. Start smart!

Yes, You Can Be Happy

It helps to listen to your mind and body and respond to the distress calls in time.

We say health is wealth but what is health? Ever defined it for what it means for you? Does mind fall into your definition of health?

When every part of our body is functioning well, we say a person is healthy. We take pride in being health conscious and keep preaching others to be so too. The moment any part of the body shows symptoms of dysfunction, we look for the best doctors and best treatment for ourselves. Be it heart, lungs, kidneys, liver, knees or anything else but mind, we tend to be utmost careful about being caring enough to talk about it and consult with anyone and everyone. Who knows where the best guidance may come from? But what goes wrong when it is about our mind, supposedly the most important part of the body? Mind is one that directs the whole body, all our thoughts and all our emotions as well. It is that crucial. But the irony is that it doesn’t get what it must. And that triggers the journey towards destruction.

There are challenges in this area like our social conditioning and the way we have been brought up, the social taboo of openly talking about mental health, the judgements and the labels that one may get tagged with, which discourage people from addressing their issues and they keep suffering.

As a Life Transformation Coach, I work at the roots of an issue to bring in the transformation. While the whole world today talks about mental health, looking at the experiences with my clients or even thinking as a layman, I realise that people lack awareness to notice the initial symptoms for when they need help for their mind. It’s only when things go out of hand that they are compelled to seek professional help or continue to suffer for life. And hence, I don’t blame people completely. We have not been taught that.

Let me help you understand, it can make it easy for you to notice when your mind needs help. And this is with a consideration to basically prevent than to cure.

Fundamentally, as humans, we are given all it takes to live a happy life.  Happiness is the ultimate mission of human life and it is your birthright. Think about it: why do we do what we do in life? It has happiness as a bottom line. We are given our body and the mind to work together in sync to achieve it. People may debate about whether happiness is a birthright, however, it is the decisions, choices and actions that we make in life that define where we land. That doesn’t change the fundamental intent of the Universe for us.

So when the mission of every life is happiness and that’s what the universe intends to give us, and our mind and body work towards the mission. The basic symptom to notice is when any of them start behaving differently that takes us away from our goal of guaranteed happiness. That’s when the re-tuning needs to be done to keep everything in sync. Easier to notice in case of the body, but tricky in case of the mind.

The hack is simple: Mind, in consideration to its purpose, is there to empower you but when it starts telling you things like — “I am incapable, I am lonely, no one loves me, I don’t think I can do it, I am not worthy, I always fail, life or success is difficult, relationships are complex…” — it is time to re-tune it and ask for help.

Any thoughts or feelings that make you feel weaker and less empowered to be who you want to be is when you need to ask for help.

And this doesn’t necessarily mean professional help. Like when you know the standard of your body functioning, if it falls below, you immediately attend to it, you also need to make your mind function benchmarked to empowering thoughts.

People tend to ignore the initial symptoms when the roots of negativity start getting stronger, the mind starts finding evidence to strengthen it and it becomes too late for us to change the negative beliefs that start manifesting in our life. So it is best to nip the issues in the bud.

Situations may be adverse sometimes, you may not find success at once at what you are doing, you may find some wrong people in life, but understand, it’s a journey and life never guarantees it to be easy. However, what it guarantees is your share of happiness. It is there, so don’t give up. One thing may not work, try the other. It may sometimes not happen in your planned time, be resilient and trust your time. It is a puzzle but there’s a treasure of happiness for everyone. Human life is a gift. One can’t waste it or destroy it because things didn’t work the way expected. Ask for help, for nothing is more important than your happiness, be it people’s opinions or your own ego getting in your way.

Would you ever give up knowing the fact that what you are looking for is surely in store for you? Would you let anything come in your way in achieving it, even if it is your limiting thoughts?

Use your body and mind well. Take care of it in a way you will look after your Ferrari as that is your vehicle that takes you to your desired destination.

Stay conscious enough to catch the slightest symptoms and address them early. Few things that will help:

Eat right and stay physically active: Engage in sports, yoga, workout, running or simply walking as a routine. Do what you enjoy and what works for you. This helps the body and mind sync better.

Have people that you can talk to: It may be different people in different areas of life. Mind it, it’s not the number of people but the quality of people who understand, listen and are there for you, who can pull you up when you are low. Avoid toxic people at all cost because it’s better to be alone than to be in the wrong company.

Practise expressing your thoughts and feelings: Parents too must get their kids comfortable to express from the youngest of age. Give them safety to talk. This will not only help them be aware of their thoughts and feelings but also enable them to express them well. Consult teachers to find ways to do it. Because if they don’t learn it now, they will find it difficult as adults.

Develop habits like reading: Books are the best friends, especially when no one is around. They also help finding answers to life situations and provide motivation to keep going.

Keep a personal journal: Practise writing your thoughts, experiences and feelings. Like a daily diary we use to write in our school days. It has an important meaning. Writing helps us get much more clarity in our own thoughts and is also a way of expression. One feels light after writing things down as one feels after sharing it with someone.

Have your buzz moments daily: Indulge in hobbies/ activities that make you forget time for a while.

Address it before it goes out of hand: Do not hesitate to ask for help — be it from a friend, family, acquaintance or a professional expert.

Would you not try to help anyone who reaches out to you for help? Would you look at a person as  weak for seeking help? Then do not let your ego or any limiting thought stop you from seeking what is must for you. Don’t let anyone’s opinion or social conditioning matter more than your own happiness.

Understand this: You have the right to be happy. Do whatever it takes to be physically and mentally healthy, for any delay may cost you your life.

Happily Imperfect!

How do you feel when you meet people who claim to be a perfectionist?

There was a time when I used to find those people very cool who claimed to be a perfectionist and I used to feel small and insufficient because I thought I was full of imperfections. I used to try and fail and learn and then try again to discover a better way of doing something. I never knew the best solutions. I wanted to be a perfectionist myself so one day decided to be one.

I thought to myself – what would it take to become a perfectionist? And the answer was simple – To know the best solution and to do it in the best way. Now the question was how to know & do the best that is actually THE BEST? Any task at hand, I decided I will think and think deep and speak to people and google and do whatever it takes to find the best way of doing the task.  Few months passed, & I noticed I was where I was and in a worse state of mind and still couldn’t figure out what was best. How do those people do it?

And one day, one of my colleague who was so called a perfectionist & who I admired, shared her story of an achievement and how she came up with a break through solution for her project that took her 2 months of hard-work & was praised by all. While listening to her story, my instant response was another solution that was simpler, quicker and much more user friendly. She was amazed and told me not to share my idea with anyone or else she will lose the attention of being a super star in her project. That was a turning point for me – a break through moment.

I kept thinking. I used to admire her for being a perfectionist and she took 2 months to come up with something that was not even close to the solution that I could instantly offer. So did it mean what she thought was perfect was not really perfect? Someone else may always have a better answer?

I kept introspecting my journey of few months trying to become a perfectionist and realised that all during this time, I got more stressed, more unproductive, more dissatisfied, a bit frustrated, lost confidence to offer something because deep down I had been worried and conscious of a better answer that I may not have discovered yet. And most importantly, in search of the best answer, I didn’t try anything and hence didn’t know what could have worked. So basically, I didn’t learn anything and stayed where I started. I realised I was happier while trying new things and learning and knowing what may work and what may not and why. Though I did fail at a few things but I learnt and that learning helped me be better at lot of stuff. Process of trying to be a perfectionist was destructive & I felt very sad of beating myself so hard in search of something that never existed. Do you relate to this?

Have you ever tried to define perfection? I tried and realised that perfection is a myth. There will always be better versions in some way or the other. So chasing for something that the world may call perfect will never happen. Context changes & the definition of perfection also changes. So isn’t it a chase of mirage? If you actually look at it this way, you will realise the damage that it can do to the one running after it.

I am glad that phase came in my life, as within a couple of months, it gave me great lessons for life.

I now feel so good and happy to be imperfect because that’s what keeps me moving ahead in life, learning new stuff & stretching my limits. I am now much more in acceptance of myself and the fact that it is okay to make mistakes & it is okay to fail as long as one is learning from it.

I learnt that my success lies in being progressive than to be perfectionist – getting better than who I was yesterday, doing things better than what I did yesterday and taking one step every day.

And here comes my new proud definition of who I am – “Happily Imperfect”!

Does marriage mean commitment?

People who believe marriage will bring them commitment for the other or vice versa and bring them security in life must really check some facts.

How many couples do you know who stay together because of the fear of what will people say, or for the sake of their kids, or for the sake of their old parents, or for their legal financial security, or their social image while feeling uncomfortable in a relationship and probably having relationships out of their marriage? I bet you would know a good count or may think if I am talking about you?

Those who believe that marriage is what will bring them happiness, love, commitment, togetherness etc may also understand that marriage doesn’t guarantee anything ever. Look around for evidences than to believe or judge me for what I say. Marriage is an event of life that has opportunities, however, no guarantees attached.  It is an expedition that you must be excited to explore & experience with someone. It is an institution where you agree to share your life with someone with your heart and soul.  And that means the commitment is a prerequisite before you start than to expect marriage to bring you commitment.

I personally believe, that commitment is an emotion that you have for another person, where in, by choice you stay faithful towards the other. And the parent of this emotion is love. You love someone so much that beyond a point, the expression of your love transforms into a commitment that is unconditional. If, for you to be committed to someone requires a rule book that constraints you to be with someone, it is not truly a commitment because I bet it will only restrict you to your physical presence with the other. It is being driven from external factors. Your heart, your mind, your spirit cannot be constrained by rules. And hence, that is not what commitment really means.

I believe if I love someone to an extent of feeling emotionally, mentally, physically and even spiritually committed to someone, I would not need a book of law with rules of do’s and don’t’s. I would not need a stamp of marriage to start feeling it for someone, nor would that stamp mean anything to me except that gives me a social status and certain sense of security for my growing years unless I only marry for the later reasons. Marriage alone doesn’t look after my heart’s needs.

For me, in case of feeling committed to someone, marriage will only mean an extension and expansion of two people in a relationship with each other, having all the necessary instruments/tools to experience an expedition together, that may not promise all the good sites, but also some adventure or difficult leaps that they decide to overcome together.

Excuse me if I am sounding against the concept of marriage, but I am completely pro-marriage. It holds a great value to me. However, my intent is to help people have clarity of the concept of commitment and not confuse it with marriage. True commitment is a bi-product of love and not marriage.

Now you may question that how can someone be truly committed before marrying someone if their marriage is arranged by family. And the answer to that is you may get into a relationship and even fulfil your responsibilities too, but a true commitment that will be beyond rules will only come when you feel the love for your partner. And so, understanding commitment as marriage or your responsibilities is a myth.

Those who say they are committed to their spouse because they are married, may actually be those who are insecure of their social image, who care more for how people perceive them, who need the set of rules to restrict them to their marriage / partner or personal motives like financial/social security through law. Such people do not completely trust themselves to stay in a relationship without an external push of law and rules and would behave completely different if there were no such external restrictions.

Because those who are committed to their partners for the love they feel for them, need no laws, no rules and no society to tell them what they must do. They are just there, not even for the sake of their partner but for how they believe they must be. That’s the magic of love and that truly is a commitment.

So, re-define your definition of commitment. Stop waiting for marriage to find commitment within you or from your partner. Aspire love by giving what you need in a relationship and let marriage be an event that magnifies and multiplies the emotional experience of life that you seed it with.

The fundamental vitamin for a relationship!

Ever experienced how does it feel to lose a relationship with someone veryyyyyy close? Doesn’t it feel like a crucial part of your soul being amputated? The whole experience of life changes – everything around us that once felt joyful, now hurts to the core. And we are left with a feeling of ache in the heart, blames, complaints & despair. And these feelings don’t let you truly identify the root of what went wrong. Our focus remains on transactional behaviours that led to separation and suck our energy & sanity to understand and courage to un-do the damage.  Time passes but there remains a vacuum that never really fills.

When we are in a relationship, we tend to take it for granted. We miss out on a fact that like everything else, relationships too need to be nurtured and maintained all the time. There are people who don’t like the fact that it needs to be done as that makes it feel like a task but what is important is to understand is that a task is something that you are compelled to do, something that’s not your wish to do but are made to do. But when you do something because you want to do and something that’s important for you, it becomes your passion and your choice. And that’s where people tend to fail.

Look around you – your home, your plants, your body, your health, your work, your money, your car, your relationship with your boss, your children – everything you see needs maintenance. You need to continuously work on it to keep it live. Then what happens when it is about our most important relationship that contributes to completing you? Why do we expect particularly this relationship to work when we least care to nurture it? What does it require?

Ever relished the memories of good times with people? What does these ‘good’ memories comprise of? Isn’t it the quality time that you spent with someone, even if it was for a short span? A moment when you felt significant, cared, loved, appreciated, even if it was without a word said. And these moments need not necessarily be in person – a connect one feels over a phone call, despite of a long distance between 2 people, is worth a great memory, because of how it made you feel.

Does the same feeling or memory ever arise for someone who spent money to get you what you wanted? You may think of them when you have certain needs that they can fulfil but their memories don’t fill you with the sense of bliss and completeness. Think about it! 

It is the quality time that someone gives you makes you feel good about yourself & about your relationship. Because when someone chooses to gives you their time, even a small moment, they are giving part of their life and that means you are important. What differentiates the experience of that time for the other is your choice of giving or your sense of compulsion to give. And the choice happens when one understand that it is needed and the quality time is the only core nutrient that keeps life in a relationship. That is what will create a part of the memory that can be cherished for life. Because anything else that you give in a relationship, has no meaning without being complimented with quality time. Anything else than quality time given to someone will have an expiry date, but the time spent will last for life.

People mistake of giving someone quality time with only being physically present.

Imagine a couple sitting together at a café with one of them busy with the phone but claiming to have take time out to spend with the other. On the other hand, a busy partner, sending a text during the day to say how busy the day is going and how he/she is looking forward to sit together for a coffee late night or a walk after dinner. The desire plus making that small moment happen is all what matters. The moment to not just talk but also listen, to share and to care. You will realise that even the silence will speak if two people are truly present with each other.

Especially for those who are really not great at expressing their love in words, this is the hack – have a true desire and ensure quality time with their loved one. That will do the magic.

Thinking that your relationship doesn’t need and shouldn’t have a need to be nurtured regularly is not a mistake, it’s a sin. It’s a blunder that you may be doing for yourself for you may not realise the cost of losing that relationship now, but don’t make it late to realise. An experience of losing someone very important in your life is not worth experiencing….its an ache that will damage the soul. So its better to learn from an experience of those who may have suffered than to learn it from your own experience….it will be too big a cost.

People who complain they don’t have time – must know that if something is important for you, you will find a way. And if its not, you will find an excuse. So stop fooling yourself and the other. Stop taking your most important relationship for granted! It may die a natural death if not nourished well with quality time & attention – even if it is small but consistent.

Are you making that mistake? You still have time…Don’t let anything come in the way to take the right action.

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