Gautam is the world to Meera and she loves him boundlessly. She is so intimate with his soul that she would know what would he need even from a long distance and despite of her situations, state of mind etc, she is able to offer him whatever he needs before him asking for it & at times without even him knowing what his needs are. Perhaps he never had to ask her for anything – he just had it all, every single time. But when in arguments with Meera on her not getting enough attention or acknowledgment for how she loved him, Gautam’s most favourite dialogue is – “Did I ask you for it?” And the argument dies but puts Meera’s heart into pieces.
She gathers herself and reconcile her emotions on her own & within sometime is back to serving him as a devotee. She doesn’t know any different way to love someone and story continues.
Sangeeta and Gopi were married for 9 years but had no child. After years of prayers, they finally became parents of a baby boy Rahul. He was pampered and was given the best of the toys, facilities, education and lifestyle and that became his benchmark of quality life. He never had to ask for the basics and for his wish list, his one word was a command for his parents. Irrespective of how challenging it may have been, Sangeeta and Gopi would just get things for him. And every time that he would not listen to them, they had to remind him how kindly they have been bringing him up and hence deserved to be listened to, Rahul would say – “Did I ask you for it?” or “Every parent does it for their children, what special have you done?”
The stories are not just stories of Meera, Sangeeta & Gopi or Gautam & Rahul but they represent every relationship where there are people who choose to instantly gratify their loved ones out of their great love, more than they can and earlier than It is needed.
Who is wrong here? Instant responses would be Gautam & Rahul because most of the readers of this article would find familiarity in the characters of Meera or Sangeeta or Gopi and hence would understand how it hurts when this happens.
It’s easy to make a judgement but it’s also important to understand this deeply as to what is the need of people to instantly gratify someone with such love & attention. Ofcourse best of intentions & intense love with also a need to be appreciated and having an extra special identity in someone’s life but ultimately these are their reasons. Rahul & Gautam doesn’t become deserving because Rahul is the only son conceived after years of prayers or Gautam who is in a relationship with a woman who knows no better way of loving someone. Rahul and Gautam had never had a need to deserve it or earn it because they just had it and they know they will always have it from them. All of this becomes a norm of that relationship and they don’t find anything odd or special about it. It is just the way it is.
And what happens? One feels great about doing so and the receiver too feels good about not having to make any effort or be worthy of what, when and how they receive. But it’s not as good as it seems to be. What happens as it goes on and in a long run? Is that great love truly valued? Is it appreciated? It even looses the acknowledgment with time and frequency and becomes more of a right of a receiver than a privilege. It sets a bench-mark. And then you can’t go below the standards.
Have you ever heard it for yourself from your loved one – “why did you do? Did I ask for it?”
How much does it hurt? I am sure it hurts like millions of stabs in the heart. I have personally experienced and everyone too would have atleast once for sure.
And then we complain that our loved ones don’t value what they have, that you are always taken for granted, it doesn’t take a second for them to hurt you so harshly. Frankly they have no idea of the effort or the pain that you have taken to provide them. For them that’s a norm.
Let’s take this basic example, everyone needs food to live. So if you get your favorite food when you are hungry, you would just love it and relish it to the last bite. And then when you know that every time you are hungry, you will have to fetch it or cook it, so therefore, when you have it, you enjoy it and value it. But imagine, you are given your favorite food in abundance that there is no lack even for a moment and then you are made to eat even when you are not hungry, how long would that remain your favorite food and how long would you enjoy eating it. How long would you value that’s extra?
Now, is there a problem with the food or you or the abundance that has been created? What leads to lowering of interest or value in the food that you have a need for and what’s your favorite? Answer to this is nothing else but provision in abundance without being asked for.
Same applies to our relationships. When we, out of our best intent and love, start giving something in the quantity more than it is needed and before it is needed, it loses its value. And I believe the expression to best intent and love could be providing right thing at a right time in a desired quantity so that is able to maintain its charm. You are able to maintain your charm. You are valued and remembered for what you can provide when there’s a need of what you have in abundance within. There is no value of overdoing anything.
There is no point feeling the hurt and feel victim every time when you face someone not valuing your offering. There is no point to blame others. They have never been exposed to an experience of how it would have been without the kind of love that they have been privileged to receive.
Does this make you think and re-define your expression? Does this help you help others to see your love as a privilege?